LIFE & DIVORCE COACHING
These days it's a rare occasion that I'll meander into my teenage daughters' rooms as I'm usually met with a tornado-like scene. Clothes strewn all over, an unmade bed, empty shopping bags, empty Starbucks cups on the dresser are the likes to which I am usually greeted. This disorganized mess is the spark that turns me into a nagging, lecturing mother, "how can you even think in this mess?!"
Of course disorganization is not just limited to teenagers. People of all ages can find themselves surrounded by clutter and in a state of disorganization which is not beneficial to our health. In a 2014 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders, researchers found that people with clutter have a harder time processing information and have difficulty making decisions.
So, as you embark on the new year, consider adding decluttering and getting organized to your 2023 goals and enjoy some of the following benefits.
1. Reduces Stress
There is evidence that living in a state of organization can actually reduce stress. According to a 2012 study, women who shared that their home environments were not organized actually had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those women who described their homes as orderly. Existing in this stressed state is not healthy. Therefore, with a little clutter clean up, it stands to reason that you will lower stress and even reduce some anxiety.
2. Increases Self Confidence
According to Carolyn Verhoef, Life Organizing Coach, "Getting organized is a powerfully resilient way to build your self-confidence. What’s even better is it will also build confidence and a sense of security in those around you." Think about how much more empowered you feel when you know where things are or when you have your thoughts in order by composing a to do list with which to work from throughout the day. It gives you a sense of being in control as the commander of your world and your environment.
3. Makes You More Productive
Being organized in your physical environment as well as your mental state goes a long way to up-leveling productivity. Knowing where things are in your home and office allows you to access what you need quicker and more easily, thereby allowing you to focus on the task at hand. In the same way, having your thoughts, activities and work laid out in an orderly fashion - set to goals and specific time frames - enables smoother follow through. According to an article from The University of Rochester, "When you are organized ...you can prioritize work and excel, which aids your career progress and life success."
4. Enables Better Sleep
Let's face it, we've all been there - preoccupied and unable to rest peacefully at night because we are distracted with all the things we need to do. When you prioritize organization, you give yourself time to focus on what really matters, like your much-needed sleep, because you can rest assured that everything is in its proper place with a plan of action for getting things done.
5. Frees Up Time
When you know where things are, what you have to do and where you have to be, you will have an easier time getting tasks done quickly without unnecessary distractions or interruptions. You minimize time wasting endeavors like looking for needed things or trying to figure out what you are supposed to do next. A recent survey conducted by the National Association for Professional Organizers in 2015, found that over a third of readers were overwhelmed by their clutter. Living more organized allows for being more efficient, and as a result, leaves more time for doing what you love to do and be happy. Studies show that when your mood is elevated, your immune system is too, while cortisol levels are lowered. Both of these factors contribute to being healthier.
Love & Light,
Change, by definition is the act or instance of making or becoming different. As humans, our brains are not wired for change. In fact, one could go as far as to say that the brain actually hates change. In fact, when we experiences change, it challenges our sense of stability. Our brain's job is to keep us safe, and that usually means keeping things the same and familiar. If the brain decides the change is, in fact, threatening, then it will resist or avoid the change as much as possible. This resistance is what makes the transition through change often a difficult and challenging experience for us.
Here are a few techniques that can prove helpful during times of change in our lives or our environment.
1. Acknowledge That Things Are Changing
Realize that even good change can cause stress. Try to figure out what's going on in your mind when you're feeling sad, hopeless or full of fear. Having conscious awareness is the first step to breaking patterns of negative and low vibrational thinking. According to Psychology Today "Denial is a powerful force, and it protects us in many ways. However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself, "Things are changing, and it is okay" can be less stressful than putting it off." As a result of acknowledging the shifts happening in your reality, you can better incorporate them and create your new normal.
2. Reframe The Way You Think
When life is in flux or transition, emotions can run high and feelings of overwhelm are common. Once you acknowledge the change(s), the next step is to reframe all that feels "bad" or "negative" into some kind of positive. Try to write down the positives that have come from this change or the positive impact it will have on your future.
3. Strive To maintain Some Normalcy
Change in anything in our lives can be unsettling and cause stress no matter how big or small. Whether it be a major life event such as a divorce, loss of a loved one, new job, a move, children leaving the nest, or a small shift like modifying eating, sleeping or exercise habits, keeping up your regular schedule will reinforce the comfort of normalcy and stability.
4. Seek Support
Today there is no shortage of professionals and support groups to provide assistance with working through life transitions and changes. Getting your questions answered, creating strategies, and having an ear to listen are all integral parts of successfully working through change. With major life events such as the loss of a loved one, engaging a grief counselor or a support group is often a necessary step to help you process the loss and slowly work your way into your changed circumstance.
5. Practice Gratitude
During times of change, feeling overwhelmed and stressed can lead to feelings of worry, fear and anger. These low frequency energies work against maintaining a positive mindset, which helps with a successful transition through whatever change you are experiencing. The higher your energy frequency or vibration, the lighter you feel in your physical, emotional and mental bodies. You experience greater personal power, clarity, peace, love and joy. This makes it easier to deal with emotional challenges. One of the quickest ways to achieve a high vibration is to practice gratitude. When you are thankful, it is usually because you have received something or something has been given to you. As a result, experiencing gratitude, fills you with a joy and excitement as well as a sense of knowing that you have the gift in your present reality. Therefore, being thankful for all the things you already have and those you wish to have, allows you to manifest that reality and move through change easier.
6. Eat Healthy
Food is what nourishes our bodies and all of your bodily systems. While it is important to eat healthy and with regularity all the time, during times of change, this is even more important. Eating healthy keeps your immune system strong, which can get run down when you are stressed. Additionally, according to Harvard School of Public Health, nutritious eating "provides the extra energy needed to cope with stressful events. Early research suggests that certain foods like polyunsaturated fats including omega-3 fats and vegetables may help to regulate cortisol levels." Cortisol is the hormone which gets released when we are stressed, better known as the fight or flight mode. A well scheduled intake of nutritious foods will help to minimize its release, maintaining a calm state of being.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
Since you now know that change is not something that comes natural or easily to you as a human, you may want to consider being more patient and kind with yourself. So often in my practice I see individuals put tremendous pressure on themselves to adapt quickly when their world is in flux. Even worse, it is not uncommon to be self-critical and engage in negative self-talk which results in feelings of worthlessness, failure, and guilt when unrealistic expectations are not met. Instead, it is much more productive to praise yourself for the small wins and just plain hanging in there. Getting through each day in a changing situation deserves self praise and non-judgment. This approach will have a far greater impact in moving you through the change you are experiencing, reduce stress and bring you more in alignment.
Love & Light,
The new year provides a fresh start to up-level your life and get on the right track for all that you want to come to fruition over the course of the next twelve months. Only by having well strategized goals can you move the trajectory of your life forward and if you haven't already done so, now is the time to get clear about your desired outcomes for the coming year and here's why:
1. Goal Setting is More Effective Than Resolutions
If you have declared resolutions in the past and found that they have drifted into non-existence after the first month of the year, you may want to consider setting goals instead. The definition of a resolution is "a firm decision to do or not to do something," and that is a good start, but it is hardly a path to insuring that your decision will actually become part of your life. Goal setting involves not only the act of declaring what it is you want, but a clear roadmap of action steps for achievement. This includes specificity about the goal, a way to measure your progress and well defined timeframes.
2. Enthusiasm is Highest As The New Year Begins
Ringing in the new year brings with it feelings of excitement and enthusiasm about all the possibilities available during the twelve months ahead. This high vibrational mental state is perfect for setting intentions for the outcomes most desired. According to neuroscientist and author Joe Dispenza, when we match our intention with an elevated emotion we attract those results to us. "Embracing the elevated emotions of your future creation before the experience happens, so your heart will produce a strong magnetic field, will draw your future to you."
3. Forward Thinking Creates Your Future
Everyone struggles with repeating the same patterns and then feeling surprised when the same results happen. Much of this is due to what comprises our thoughts. Ask yourself, are you focused on the past and how you haven't gotten the results you desire? Staying the course in our thoughts and emotions with those spectacular outcomes we want and deserve will create that future. There's something about the start of the new year that naturally puts the focus on the future, opening up a clear view to what that future looks and feels like. Seize this perfect storm for allowing your creative juices to flow and lay out your goal(s) and the roadmap for reaching your intended destination.
4. Change Requires a Plan
Let's face it, at the heart of doing anything new in our lives is that dreaded thing called change. Humans were not built for change. Like the expression goes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But, what if it is broke? In other words, you are not manifesting the results you want in your life. We all know that exhilarating feeling of wanting to do something different in our lives because of the happy ending we believe will result. Then, what happens? Why do so many find themselves in the exact same place over and over? This is because change is not easy. To achieve something new, we must first accept that change is required - whether it be a change in our mindset, inner beliefs or our actions. Stepping out of the old familiar and into the new is challenging. Therefore, when you set clear goals with a methodical plan of actionable steps, you are more likely to go slowly and with intention than to race out of the starting gate, only to run out of steam and relapse into old patterns.
Setting your goals now is the best insurance for looking back this time next year with a sense of satisfaction at your accomplishments!
Love & Light,
With the end of the year quickly approaching and bringing us into 2023, you may be thinking about the outcomes you would like throughout the coming year. Goal setting is one of the surest ways to insure that you achieve the outcomes you most desire. Huge transformations can be achieved in your reality and the life you are living.
According to Darren Hardy, author of The Compound Effect, “when you define your goals, you give your brain something new to look for and focus on. It’s as if you’re giving your mind a new set of eyes from which to see all the people, circumstances, conversations, resources, ideas, and creativity surrounding you.”
Whether your goals are personal growth, career, relationship, health or financial, consider the many benefits of kicking off your New Year with some strategic goal setting.
1. Gives You A Destination and Direction
Whether you are traveling by car, train, or plane, in order to get anywhere, you first need to know the destination. Once you determine your destination, you then need to set a direction plan to get there. The same is true when it comes to life. How could you possibly expect to get anywhere if you don't have a specific destination, aka a goal, so that you can plot a course? If you find yourself saying things like "I hope to..." or "I want to..." or "God willing, I'll get...", chances are, you are not taking enough charge of your future to guarantee that you will have certain results. Whatever the area of your life, your goal(s) should be specific, realistic and possess a timeframe.
2. Provides A Foundation for Manageable Steps
With well defined goals, you are in a good position to set your course. If you think of this in terms of travel, once you have your destination, you are then able to set your GPS or buy your plane ticket to get there. With solid goals in place, it is easier to get clarity about the specific steps needed to implement and act upon to achieve your desired outcome. This becomes your general roadmap, and similar to your GPS, you can figure out along the way if your route needs to be adjusted or modified, but in the end, your destination stays the same. What's more, with each manageable step you take, it will become more obvious how you are moving from where you were to where you wanted to be when you first set your goal(s).
3. Refocuses Your Energy from Thinking to Doing
With specific goals and a subsequent road map for getting there, your are purposefully igniting your power for manifesting results in your life. By redirecting your energy from a stagnant state of contemplating abstract ideas, you are instead doing.
Taking bold and well directed action steps, turns your intangible thoughts into end results that can be seen and measured.
4. Up-levels Your Life with A Compound Effect
Setting goals is a very powerful action because it puts into motion daily efforts that over time will compound and create transformational results. According to Hardy, "Small, Smart Choices + Consistency + time = Radical Difference. "By laying out your goals, setting action steps and sticking to it daily, it is impossible to fail!
5. Helps With Accountability
Another valuable benefit of goal setting is that it helps to keep you accountable and moving forward. By attaching schedules, timeframes and deadlines to your action steps, you are more likely to adhere to following through and getting things done.
6. Keeps You Focused and Motivated
Getting distracted is one of the most common reasons for why people do not get the results they want. Just as blinders are used to keep the horse focused on the task at hand, so too are your goals, which can create mental barriers to keep you from veering off track and losing sight of the desired end result. According to an article in Forbes, "Having a clear, compelling goal mobilizes your focus toward actionable behavior. In other words, goal setting should motivate you."
7. Reinforces A Sense of Self Empowerment
When you become the architect of your life by determining your goals and proactively take actions towards them, there is a sense of control that comes with it. Goal setting helps with finding meaning and purpose, develops positive self-regard, improve mood and self-esteem - all of which lead to feeling better about yourself and your life.
Love & Light,
Isn't it amazing how the joy of the holiday season can also be the cause of so much stress?
Just think about how much pressure we put on ourselves during this time of year. If it's not getting the perfect gift for everyone on our list, it's planning the perfect menu and all the shopping that goes with that. Then, there are the many parties and events that we set out to attend, hosting our own, managing end of year work deadlines, school finals, decorating our homes, wrapping gifts, arranging travel plans for visiting, preparing for guests if hosting, fitting in volunteer and charitable work, and a slew of other tasks. And this doesn't include all of the other day to day things that need to get done.
December can also cause a bit of a financial burden from all the holiday spending, adding to stress and worry. For many, the holidays can also be a difficult time of year for people who have lost friends and family members, triggering feelings of sadness and even loneliness.
Seems like a full plate right? Now, to add to an already packed schedule, a long to-do list, financial pressures, and celebrating without lost loved ones, is the anticipatory stress of holiday family gatherings. Whether it be falling into the unrealistic expectation of the perfect Christmas as a happy family on this one day of the year or the dread of difficult personalities or being around relatives that don't get along, many go through the holiday season carrying tension straight through the actual day of celebration.
So, what can you do to not only survive the holidays, but also THRIVE? Well, while you cannot change others or avoid having busy schedules with lots to get done, you can change and control the way you handle each challenge for your well being.
Here are a few suggestions:
Keep Your Routine
In spite of the added pressures, do your best to stick to your usual routines. For instance, if you frequent a gym on certain days, continue doing so. When it comes to meals, be sure you are eating at your normal time and when possible, stay on track with your sleeping patterns. Doing this will keep you more grounded as the unexpected holiday madness encroaches.
Choose Your Battles
Choosing your battles does not always refer to relationships with other. This expression also applies to scheduling and commitments. You cannot be all things to all people and still have time for taking care of you. Choose events to attend that fit most conveniently into your schedule. Do your best not to say yes, when you want or need to say no. While this is the season of giving, it is not always in your best interest to overextend yourself as this can lead to either feeling run down or even resentful.
Stand in Your Own Space
One common reason that people generally find the holidays so stressful is that they follow the lead of others. While this practice is okay in moderation, it does not serve us in a healthy way when we do not take the time to really know what it is that we want. Take on the holidays the way you might a work or committee project. Give some thought to your vision and goals for the holidays. Perhaps there are some new or different traditions you would like to create and partake in. Remember that you may enjoy the holidays in ways that others in your circle do not, so be mindful that you can honor yourself while still being connected to others.
Gratitude is a practice that not only raises your vibration, allowing you to be more happy and healthy, but it also serves to help you manifest the things you most want. Meditating a few minutes here or there throughout the day - whether it is at a red light, cooking dinner, on the check out line or when awakening or falling asleep is all you need. Saying "thank you" for those things you have AS WELL as those things you are desiring in your present reality is the key. This practice relaxes, grounds, and allows you to see the world in a positive light with joy. Feeling thankful for those things that have yet to manifest in your reality as if they already exist is the surest way to feel joy, relieve stress and attract those outcomes to you.
Sometimes when we feel the most time-pressured and stressed out, it is best to disconnect by giving to others instead of sitting in the feeling of overwhelm. Perhaps you have a neighbor who is homebound that would love a nice warm cup of coffee, or maybe there is a friend or relative that you haven't seen in a while who would love a happy hello text. Giving back doesn't always mean we need to work at a homeless shelter or spend a full day with the less fortunate, although both of these can feed the soul and feel amazing, it is about random acts of kindness. The energy of being kind to someone will raise your vibrational frequency and spread it into the world.
Be Kind to Yourself
As you are running around and getting things done for the holidays, remember to take a moment here and there to tell yourself how special you are. Complement the way in which you have accomplished so much, or how delicious those Christmas cookies turned out or what a spectacular job your did decorating your home. You will bring a smile to your own face and enable the process of thriving through the holiday season!
Wishing you a fabulously Merry Christmas!
Love & Light,
With the holiday season upon us, you are more than likely focused on the art of giving to others. This is a wonderful state of mind to be embracing, which not only provides thoughtfulness for the recipient, but also results in "feel-good" high vibrational benefits for you, the giver. I would like to suggest that equally important this holiday season is the practice of giving to yourelf through small acts of self-care. So, as you celebrate the joys of the season, remember to shower yourself with some benevolent, Christmas cheer as well.
1. Relaxing Detox Bath
As you run about doing holiday shopping, planning meals and attending parties, put some time aside to enjoy a relaxing soak in a soothing, bath. With all that we take in from our environment, the processed food we eat and the emotional stress we feel, a steamy bath can prove quite beneficial. In fact, the warmth of the water can promote sweating, which may help the body release toxins from the pores. Adding simple items from your pantry such as epsom salt and baking soda can turn a basic bath into one that provides healthy detoxing. Epsom salts are made of magnesium and sulphate, both of which are critical nutrients for the human body, but can be poorly absorbed from our food. A twenty minute soak allows these minerals to absorb readily via the skin. Baking soda is a mixture of sodium ions and bicarbonate ions which are helpful for the skin and "can aid certain skin conditions such as eczema and psoriasis," according to Medical News Today. So, light some candles, play some soft music and soak to release built up stress and toxins.
If you are like many, sleep has become one of the most valued commodities. Long to-do lists, crazy schedules and general worry can all add to not getting enough sleep. increasing the quality of your sleep during this busy season can make you feel more merry and bright.
A recent meta-analysis published in Sleep Medicine Reviews, found that participants who took a warm bath one to two hours before bedtime reported that they fell asleep more quickly and had higher-quality sleep than usual, so consider bathing at night. Additionally, making your bedroom environment the most conducive for the best possible chances of a restful slumber include keeping your room cool, dark and quiet with minimum exposure to light at bedtime. This includes avoiding prolonged use of light-emitting screens just before bedtime. One of my favorite things to do is to play sounds such as a rain storm or 432 Hz frequency music, which, according to Sleep.com, is ideal for use as a sleep aid as it is known for its relaxing, calming effects. It can help instill feelings of peace and tranquillity after a hectic day and slow down the heart rate. Good sleep is an important gift for our wellbeing and health.
3. Manicure and Pedicure
Just think about how much we use our hands and feet and how honoring these appendages with self care can make a huge difference. Whether it's typing on a keyboard, washing dishes, holding a steering wheel, chopping vegetables or carrying things, our hands are always in use. Likewise, our feet get us where we have to go, but, more times than not, they are cooped up in heavy socks, tight shoes, without getting the respect they deserve for transporting us where we need to go daily.
Instead of viewing a manicure and pedicure as a decadent, unnecessary beauty regimen, reframe this as an activity that enables good health. Did you know that manicures and pedicures improve blood flow? This reduces cellulite, tightens your skin, and strengthens your muscles, which can improve the visible appearance of your hands and feet. Additionally, the massage you receive on your hands, arms, lower legs, and feet promotes healthy blood circulation, thereby reducing muscle tension, any pain you may be experiencing, and improves joint mobility. And lest we forget that taking the time to treat yourself with a manicure/pedicure can do wonders for your stress levels!
4. Regular Short Walks
If you are thinking, "I don't have time to breathe this holiday season, let alone walk," let me assure you that you do not need huge blocks of time. Often, we get intimidated when we associate any kind of movement with "exercise" and the need to carve up our day to accommodate such activity. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Shorter walks are just as good as longer walks. In fact, according to mypacer.com, it may even be more beneficial to work in short bursts of activity during your day. "Studies have shown that a 2-5 minute walk after an hour of sitting can go a long way towards combatting the health risks of long periods of inactivity." With this in mind, try combining an invigorating step outside into the wintery air for a quick stroll up your block, or walk around indoors around the office. The obvious benefit is the movement for your body, increasing your daily steps and stretching sedentary muscles. Equally beneficial is the stress-reducing effects of walking. Research shows that a brief walk, especially one outdoors lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol not only increases with stress, it also mobilizes fat and deposits it on your waist and tummy.
5. Moments of Mindfulness
If you noticed, I used the word mindfulness instead of meditation. If you are like me, the connotation of meditating conjures up thoughts of a time-consuming ritual - find a place to sit, get a candle, put on music, make sure no one is around to disturb you - it sounds like more work. However, if we swap out "meditation" for mindfulness, it becomes more easy to incorporate into our daily lives. Mindfulness is merely paying attention to your sensations, feelings, thoughts and the environment in the present moment without judgment. Add a few deep, refreshing breaths and you've got yourself a formula for lowering stress, decreasing depression, improving memory, and strengthening your relationships, among other things.
Think of all those nooks and crannies of your day - a short walk to and from your car, stopping at a red light, waiting on the drive-through line of Starbucks or the bank, walking the dog, in your bed getting ready to fall asleep or in that infamous self-care detox bath! Studies suggest that mindfulness practices help people manage stress, cope better with serious illness and reduce anxiety and depression. People who practice mindfulness regularly report an increased ability to relax, enjoy a greater enthusiasm for life, and improved self-esteem. Wouldn't you agree that these are a few wonderful gifts to bestow upon yourself!!
Love & Light,
Vibration, frequency and the law of attraction are making their way into main stream culture as popular buzzwords. In reality, however, these are far from buzz words. Did you know that some of the greatest minds of all time have spoken about the power and science of vibration?
According to Albert Einstein, "Everything in life is vibration," And when Einstein was once asked what it was like to be the smartest man alive, he replied “I don't know, you'll have to ask Nikola Tesla.” Tesla, recognized by the smartest minds of modern science, famously stated “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”
Many of us do not realize that everything in our universe is made of energy, and this energy vibrates. This includes people, animals, plants, the food we eat, and even our thoughts. While we could talk for days about the science behind frequency and the intricacies of how it works, let's break the world of quantum physics down to its simplest form when it comes to how to manifest things in our lives.
Laws of the Universe
There are 12 Universal Laws. One of these, the Law of Attraction, gained tremendous popularity with the release of the film The Secret (2006) which was subsequently developed into a book of the same title in 2007. The Law of Attraction states that like attract like.
Moving on to the second law of the universe, the Law of Vibration postulates that everything (every atom, object, and living thing) is in constant motion, vibrating at a specific frequency. As spiritual author Shannon Kaiser explains, "The speed or rate at which something vibrates is referred to as its frequency," with the only difference between one object and another being the rate of its vibration.
The Perfect Formula for Manifesting
The key takeaway here is that these two laws work in tandem and create the perfect formula to attracting your desires into your life.
How so? Well, when you use your thoughts to align yourself with the frequency of what you want, you attract your desire towards you. You may be thinking, "well, if it's that simple, why are so many people unhappy and not achieving those things they want in life?" We all know people who feel sad, lonely, in lack and it manifests itself in being in unhappy relationships, unfulfilling jobs, the inability to have the body they want and so many other undesired circumstances. If it was as simple as just thinking the right thoughts and vibrating at the right frequency, why isn't everyone on to this and living in bliss?
Manifesting is Simple, But Not Always Easy
When you match the vibration of that which you desire, things start to fall into place. So what is the secret to actually making this happen? Well, interestingly enough, our language and thought patterns are what hold many of us back from achieving a high vibration.
Allow me to give you an example. Let's say for example, someone is wanting to make more money. They envision having more money so that they have more financial freedom, more time to do the things they enjoy in life. Their thoughts may be "vibrating" at a different frequency than that of attracting the money. Simply put, many people talk to themselves or think "I WANT more money; I WANT a better paying job, I WANT to be financially free. Ironically, the vibration of "wanting" is actually telling the universe that you are in lack. The energy of lack and being in a state of wanting has a pretty low frequency. In the end, you will attract lack because that is the vibration you are matching.
To match the frequency of abundance, reframing thoughts and words are necessary. For example, "I have such great abundance" "I have so much money" "I have much financial freedom." Coupled with the joyous and blissful feelings that one might experience knowing they had a few million in the bank, the vibration would match the desired outcome, allowing for the law of attraction to kick in. This is when manifestation takes place.
How do we raise our vibration to manifest?
1. Live in the Feeling and Thoughts of Having What you Desire
When we "feel" and talk about what we want as if it's already in our reality, we send out powerful energy to the universe that brings those desired things to us.
2. Practice High Vibrational Activities
Gratitude is one of the quickest ways to amp up your vibration, as is feelings of love, being generous such as engaging in random acts of kindness.
3. Meditation and Mindfulness
According to spirituality author Dr. David Hawkins, the idea that the more “true” something is, the higher its level of consciousness (or vibration). The more in the moment you are, the more you resonate with truth. Meditating and breathing mindfully brings about greater feelings of peace, and results in a high vibe state.
I challenge you to try these practices with what it is you would like to manifest in your life!
Love & Light,
Sometimes the hardest thing to do when you are going through difficult times, is to ask for help. However, these are precisely the times when reaching out for support are most important. Every human being experiences time of great joy and ease, as well as difficultly and struggle. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. The key is knowing how to build yourself up, create support systems and persevere in a healthy, empowering manner during the hard times. Next time you are tempted to self-isolate or dig your heals in with the belief that you "don't need any help", think again. Asking for help brings up a whole slew of emotions - fear of being judged, rejected or a burden, looking foolish, or being needy. I would like to suggest that in spite of our sometimes overriding beliefs that would otherwise keep us from reaching out for assistance, asking for help can actually prove quite valuable to your current problem and to your overall self-esteem.
1. New Perspective/New Possibilities
I'm sure you've heard the expression, "no man is an island." If you look around, great things in our world came as the result of great minds working together. This is no less true when it comes to our emotional well-being. When we are feeling burdened with stress, difficult decisions or difficult transitions, it is not uncommon to believe that the only one who can "fix" your situation is you. Unfortunately, when we are under stress, in fear, or overwhelm, our creative juices are not at their best and solutions do not always flow. Reaching out to others builds connections by allowing others to share their information and resources. It allows for the possibility of fresh ideas, perhaps a new perspective and a sense of relief that your situation is not as dismal or impossible as it might otherwise feel.
2. Being Vulnerable Fosters Connection to Others
Did you know that being vulnerable allows us to connect with others, which is hugely important to optimal wellbeing? Sounds rather paradoxical as the common knee-jerk reaction while going through a difficult time may be to close up in an effort to be self protective. Ironically, the act of being vulnerable and exposed helps us build trust with ourselves and with others, which is an important bridge to press on and persevere. It also increases your ability to have empathy for others which enables social connections. Connectedness to other human beings is vital for wellness.
3. Improves Resilience
Facing adversity is part and parcel of being human. Facing any challenge with help from others can exponentially increase the ease of successfully transitioning through. Asking for help from family, friends, dedicated professionals and support groups can create optimism and hope when facing challenging situations. This support allows you to obtain feedback, take more risk while dealing with uncertainty and overcome setbacks and grow, thereby improving your resilience.
4. Shows Great Strength
All too often, asking for help is perceived as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, reaching out for assistance is a sign of strength and a way to elicit collaboration. Allowing yourself to show your vulnerability and admit that you may not have all the answers is often perceived by others as quite admirable and a sign that you are resourceful and confident. There is something very human about reaching out to others that shows you are willing to put your ego and fear to the side, in order to invite someone else into the fold of your challenges. Ponder the alternative of not asking for help when you need it - you not only assume one hundred percent of a burden which could otherwise be shared, but you also deprive others the opportunity to provide support and caring for you, making it a win-win!
Oftentimes, our greatest wins are when we collaborate with others!
Love & Light,
Living in gratitude is far from a new concept and you would be hard pressed to find someone in this day and age who has not heard someone in their life's path tell them to "be grateful." What is not as mainstream a known concept is the correlation between gratitude and creating a state of high vibration in your life.
As energy, light beings, we vibrate, as does everything else in the universe. The speed at which we vibrate can be measured as a frequency in the measurement of hertz (Hz). This frequency is produced by our thoughts, emotions and actions.
According to Shawna Freshwater, PhD, "The higher the vibrational frequency, then the higher the expansion, and the greater the Life Force in your cells. The lower the vibrational frequency, then the greater the contraction, and the lesser of Life Force in your cells." Accordingly, the Emotional Frequency Chart below shows the Frequency Scale (measured in Hz) and the corresponding Levels of Existence, and Emotional States.
You will notice that the higher the frequency, the Level and Emotional States are what we, as humans classify as "positive" states of being. Vibrating high results in feeling lighter, more at ease, both physically and emotionally. Given a choice, most people would more often opt to spend the majority of their time in peace, love, bliss and serenity, since these not only feel good, but are also the states where high levels of creative energy is experienced.
So, how does gratitude affect our frequency? Well, in a word, positively!
The vibrational frequency of gratitude is 540, which is the same as joy, making it quite expansive and one of the highest vibrational frequencies you can be at. The more time you can spend in gratitude, the more your body's frequency raises and the healthier your body becomes.
Gratitude is beyond question the most powerful emotion to measure a vibrational shift. Take for instance the fact, that generally speaking, as humans, we normally give thanks or are in a state of gratitude when we receive something from an outside source. But, consider the fact that if we feel gratitude by choice, something very cool happens. Your body shifts into reception mode as the emotional signature of gratitude is positive. This is what makes gratitude so powerful.
Ways of manifesting or "choosing to be in" a state of gratitude include directing your thoughts and actions towards that end. Helping others, doing random acts of kindness and thanking those that we encounter throughout our day raise our emotional vibration. More subtle ways of practicing gratitude have to do with our mindset and attitude, which, over time will take the place of lower vibrational ways of thinking. This includes noticing good things and purposefully seeking them out, appreciating and savoring them. In general, just paying attention to the bright and favorable stuff in our midst.
One of the best ways to solidify this practice is to express your gratitude to yourself, saying thanks to others, or writing it down in a gratitude journal.
Gratitude can also help relieve the psychological and physiological effects of stress. Through these simple actions, you will be activating the brain chemicals that make you happy, thereby decreasing negative emotions, increasing empathy, and creating a much improved outlook. The result often includes higher self-esteem, more inner strength, better heart health and even better sleep.
As you get in the habit of directing your mindset towards gratitude, it will become as natural as breathing. You will literally feel the shift in your being as you begin to resonate more in a high vibrational state. The result includes attracting the most wonderful opportunities, outcomes and the manifestation of your dreams.
Love & Light,
I think we would all agree that it is never easy to make a change, any change, in life. When contemplating divorce, the stakes are raised significantly higher since this experience is a life transition that brings with it a plethora of changes that can spark tremendous fears. For homemakers, in particular, fear is often the overriding factor that can shake one's confidence and sense of well being.
While fears can be numerous and differ based on individual circumstances, here are four common ones along with suggestions for feeling more empowered.
1. Economic Fear
For many homemakers, one of the greatest worries is financial. The most common questions being, will I have enough money to take care of myself and my children? This is a very realistic concern. If you've been a stay-at-home mom, which is a common decision made by numerous women once they have children, then your job has been the raising of children and managing of a home, versus being a part of the work force. Many women opt to give up careers in order to become full-time moms. The good news is that you have opted to put one hundred percent into raising your kids. The challenging news is that your partner is the one who is making the money. Here are a few things for you to know as well as a few steps to take that can set you on the right path to strengthen your position for independence. First, depending on which state you live in, there are laws that protect the "un-monied" spouse (the one that has not worked and has stayed home to raise children) in the form of spousal support and child support. Generally, there are formulas used to estimate how much you should be paid and for what length of time. In general, spousal support is based on the length of the marriage, the level at which you have been accustomed to living as well as other factors. Child support is based on formulas that have to do with the number of children, who has custodial custody and other specific factors. Again, these are generalities that can differ by state. Your attorney can give you more factual information.
2. Getting Back into the Workforce
Financial circumstances will almost always be affected after divorce. With the economy being what it is, it's hard enough for a family to make ends meet with one residence and one income provider. After divorce, most couples will find themselves living in two domiciles with twice the home expenses, such as housing, separate insurance costs, vehicle, household expenses, etc. One of the most common fears I hear expressed by homemakers getting divorced is "how do I get back into the workforce?" It can be very daunting contemplating the idea of going back to work after years of being home. The two overriding factors that cause anxiety for full-time homemakers include not being a full-time stay at home mom for the kids, and being uncertain about qualifications in a changed job market. While the solutions are multifaceted, I would like to suggest that it all begins with taking a deep breath and realizing that such a change is a slow process. A good first step is to start off small. If you haven't worked in a while, or are unsure where to begin, start with a part time job, either in the area that you may already have experience or in a new area. Don't focus on the pay or even the position itself. This is just a way to get your feet wet and start the process, Believe it or not, this will build confidence while getting you acclimated to a new "out of the home" routine and having your own money.
3. Juggling Motherhood and Work
Feeling overwhelmed is one of the most common issues expressed by many divorced moms. Whether it's balancing being there for kids with a work schedule or managing the pressures of an apartment or house, divorced moms often feel like they are constantly being pulled in a variety of directions. While I wish I could tell you that you shouldn't feel overwhelmed, I think the more important advice to be given here is that there are ways to manage this very real feeling. In most cases, there just doesn't seem to be enough "me" to go around or enough time to get everything done. However, I assure you, there are plenty of small moments to stop, and decompress.
Just taking five to ten minutes throughout the day to breathe intentionally can do wonders. Did you know that deep breathing can reset the brain? Calm deliberate breathing can send a message to the brain that you are calm, even if you are feeling stressed, and in turn, allow your body and mind to actually relax. A frenetic, worried state only prolongs feeling overwhelmed, so incorporating relaxation techniques can reset yourself and take the focus off of the many "to do's" you may have. A great go-to breathing technique is the 5-5-7 breath. Breathe in for a count of five; hold the breath for five and then breathe out powerfully to a count of seven. Do this five or six times whenever you feel the weight of the world. Another great way to calm yourself is a technique called havening. According to Dr. Steven Ruden and Dr. Ronald Ruden, the creators of the technique, the use of therapeutic touch can help treat mental health symptoms by changing pathways in the brain linked to emotion. Havening is a way to self-soothe. With crossed arms, gently but noticeably stroking from shoulders to elbows. You can also rub the palms of your hands together in a circular motion, This is all to create a sense of wellbeing and safety, which can lessen feelings of overwhelm.
4. Being Alone
Then there is of course, the overarching fear caused by the idea of being alone or without companionship...ever! Divorce takes you from a state of having a partner to not. For many, this can cause feelings of loneliness and the belief that you will always be alone. This can be very frightening and even exacerbated if your soon-to-be or former spouse is already in another relationship. Finding companionship with a new person and rebuilding the romantic part of one's life is all part of the healing process. One of the first steps to healing and building a new life is to reconnect with yourself. Learning how to be kind to yourself, love yourself and appreciate the wonders of who you you are will build your confidence and attract people to you that will enhance and fill your life.
There is life after divorce in spite of the fears felt leading up to and through the process. Facing one scary issue at a time with self love and patience will enable you to reset, restart and rebuild.
Love & Light,