Why You Should Consult A Divorce Coach First When Contemplating Divorce

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Today, more than ever, there are resources for almost any need, enabling better outcomes in life endeavors. When it comes to our weddings, we work with wedding planners, when it comes to leveling up our athletic abilities, we hire sports coaches and when it comes to professional success, we engage the services of high powered career and business coaches.

So why is it that when it comes to divorce, which has a huge affect on every aspect of our lives - emotional, financial, residential, parental and long-term living - do we opt to go it alone?

I'm talking both from personal and professional experience here. During my own divorce, which, by the way was horrible and traumatic on every level, I mistakenly assumed that my divorce attorney had all the answers that I needed to get me through the process and secure a successful outcome. I could not have been more incorrect in my assumption! 

Not only was I wrong in relying solely on my attorney to fill the plethora of professional needs that were suddenly cast upon me, but the result of doing so had negative lasting effects on my life (and that of my children) long after my divorce was finalized. 

My harrowing ordeal led to my mission to devise a means to minimize distress and maximize triumph through divorce for others.

Divorce coaching can make this difference between floundering through the abyss of divorce as a novice versus marching through confidently armed with a charted course like a skilled navigator.

With this in mind, obtaining coaching prior to "pulling the trigger", or in legal terms, "filing for divorce" ensures better navigation of the divorce journey and post-divorce outcomes.

Here are 8 reasons why your first professional meeting should be with a divorce coach:
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 1.  Informs and Explains Divorce Basics

Divorce is very overwhelming and there are lots of moving parts to the process.  From my professional experience, clients that begin the process with clarity tend to avoid the major pitfalls and mistakes that can cause undue stress, wasting valuable time and incurring unnecessary legal bills. 

Take for instance, Kate, who was an 18-year stay at home mom. Kate came to me when she was still in the initial stages of contemplating divorce. In fact, she hadn't even told her husband about her desire. Throughout the first month of our coaching, she gained an understanding of the divorce basics such as formulas used to calculate spousal and child support, usual and customary visitation schedules, the way divorce attorneys charge their clients and general hourly rates, referrals for legal representation as well as dozens of questions to ask her attorney at their first meeting along with a checklist of what documents to bring with her.

She also gained access to accounting and financial professionals who advised her with  financial/tax advice for moving forward.   As a result of being prepared, Kate was more confident about what to expect, and was able to complete the entire divorce process within six months, allowing her to move forward with her new life.

2.  Fosters Future Life Vision & Goal Setting  

Having a divorce coach enables a client to take control of their situation by defining their desired outcomes in all life areas, setting goals and creating a vision for post-divorce life. With the support needed to stay focused, identifying and implementing the necessary action steps to achieve this end is possible. Having an accountability partner makes it less likely to get sidetracked with petty nonsense or time wasting arguing over things that do not serve to reach desired goals. 

​3. Enables an Empowered Mindset

Most individuals are blindsided by divorce because of the upheaval experienced across all areas. As a result, it is common to become hyper-focused on the current situation, often getting stuck in a downward spiral of fear, lack and diminished self-esteem.  A coach will assist with reframing the negative mindset with introspective exercises that uncover self limiting beliefs and build self confidence. With this mindset shift comes greater empowerment as the architect of your life and an ability to embrace positivity moving forward.

4. Gives Empathetic Emotional Support 

Let's face it, we all need empathetic support, understanding and a shoulder to lean on when we go through any life change, especially divorce, which can be quite traumatic.  The emotional turmoil caused by the multitude of changes - from losing a partner (whether the relationship is good or bad), to a change in routines, living quarters, the break-up of a family, not seeing children daily, financial pressures and coming face to face with an uncertain future - are often too much to metabolize.

A coach provides the emotional support to develop structure through this life transition. With an empathetic ear, a hand to hold, and a strategic partner, a coach assists with finding the confidence and strength within.

5. Facilitates Stress and Overwhelm Management

One of the key aspects of coaching is to enable clients to better manage stress. Divorce brings with it tremendous stress and overwhelm, requiring effective means for individuals to move into a more relaxed state. A good coach will also introduce much needed stress management techniques such as breathing and mindfulness practices to take control and reduce these strong reactions during divorce.

6. Liaison to Vetted Legal and Business Divorce Experts

Access to divorce professionals such as family law attorneys, accounting, tax and wealth managers, insurance experts, estates lawyers, personal credit and loan professionals will ensure  expert input throughout the process and a solid divorce agreement. Working with a divorce coach that has established relationships with skilled individuals is yet another benefit.

7. Mitigates Time, Effort, & Money on Your Divorce

My passion for being a divorce coach came out of my own difficult experience through divorce. The knowledge I acquired came at a hefty price in terms of the wasted time, effort and money. Unfortunately, in life, you don't know what you don't know and when fear and overwhelm are coupled with a lack of knowledge and experience, it is the perfect storm to get clobbered.

A divorce coach is there to save clients the one commodity they can never get back - time. Providing clarity coupled with guidance, clients will avoid time and effort wasting endeavors and racking up needless legal fees that can result. Additionally, with coaching support, reaching out to your attorney for emotional comfort is less likely which mitigates legal fees.

8. Provides Strategies to Regain Normalcy In Day-to-Day Life 

The early stages of divorce result in being left with a change in routines, housing and living arrangements, severed family relations, and feeling enormously unsettled and desperately in need of some semblance of normalcy to maintain sanity. With a keen understanding of the agonizing distress being experienced, a divorce coach will provide easy to process and implement strategies to regain control and create a new normal for moving forward. 
 
Till next time,
Elisa