Why Are Expectations So Hard To Manage During Divorce?

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​Ever wonder why so many people are angry about their divorce settlement?

I was like most people, and got my divorce law "education" from television and the movies, believing those expressions, "I will take him to the cleaners" or "She will get nothing."

And in TV programs and movies, there is always a victorious party (usually the protagonist) who gets everything they want (and believe they deserve), while the other party gets nothing. 

No wonder so many people have a false expectation with their own divorces. The truth is, this is not how real life and the law work. To think like this is just setting yourself up for disappointment and emotional upset when it comes to the outcome of your divorce.  ​

 Having Unrealistic Expectations Sets You Up To Be Angry
Having unrealistic expectations is usually the result of not having a basic, working knowledge of divorce law and the basis for which decisions are rendered by the court.
 
An inability to manage expectations causes tremendous stress, which can manifest in feeling that your attorney is not on your side. This is because he/she is coming from a perspective of working within the parameters of the law and the formulas and norms used to render decisions pertaining to asset division, spousal/child support, visitation and many other aspects dealing with marital breakup. This can result in the all too common “victim mentality” that everyone - the judge and even your lawyer are against you.
 
Know the Basics About Divorce Law in Your State
Having a general understanding of the basic divorce laws in your state can do wonders for managing those unrealistic expectations and facilitating clarity and a sense of empowerment during divorce.

For example, knowing if you live in a no-fault state, and that alimony (“spousal support”) and child support are figured out based on formulas rather than arbitrarily decided upon, are only a few of the facts that will help you when beginning your divorce journey.  

Managing Expectations Saves Time and Money
Being forearmed with as much knowledge as possible about the basic laws and possible outcomes of your divorce settlement will help you manage your expectations and feel less like a victim.  Empowering yourself in this way will also reduce stress, minimize unnecessary arguing, save you precious time and valuable money.  
 
Knowledge is power when navigating divorce and your best investment for a successful outcome!
​- Elisa