What Role Do Goals Play In Divorce?

​If you are reading this, it is a safe bet that you already understand the importance of goals. But, with all the confusion, upset and overwhelm of divorce, have you embraced the idea of setting goals for during and after this process? 

Goals & Goal Setting

Let's break it down to its simplest form - what is a goal? Simply put, a goal is something you want to achieve. The process of divorce often has people in such low vibrational frequencies of fear, guilt, anger and lack that the most intelligent and successful individuals forget the importance of defining clear goals during this very challenging life experience.

By definition, goal setting is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future, and for motivating yourself to turn your vision of this future into reality. Well, this concept is especially important in the case of divorce.  

In fact, I would go as far as to argue that it can be the single most important thing you can do to alleviate unnecessary stress, wasted time and overspending.

Why Set Goals During Divorce?

One of the most common feelings during divorce is that life is out of control and that all normalcy has been lost, a very unsettling place to be. This often leads to overwhelm and a self perception of being a victim, which are unproductive by-products of the divorce experience. 

Left unchecked, this mindset can result in feeling stuck. Creating a clear vision with well intentioned goals is the first step towards taking the control back because you are defining WHY you want certain things and the purpose they serve for daily and long-term living.

Being closely aligned with these goals and the outcomes you want, during and post-divorce provides a roadmap for the new journey ahead. This snapshot of WHO you want to be and HOW your life looks throughout and after the ending of your marriage is quite empowering. 

Benefits to Divorce Goal Setting

Goals serves as blinders, keeping you focused on the desired outcome(s). This can drastically reduce getting triggered and distracted from engaging in time, effort and money wasting behavior with your soon to be ex-spouse and your attorney.

Having clarity and focus enables an increased ability for making decisions that are in your best interest, and behavior that serves you positively now and down the road. 

Strategy For Goal Setting During Divorce

1. Have Clarity About Your Desired Divorce Outcomes
This is the first step to setting goals during divorce. It involved taking inventory of your priorities and being clear about the vision you have for your future life on a personal, professional and financial level. Knowing where you want to be at the end of the process will help you set the course and take the necessary steps to getting there. This will also help you to stay the course when you are tempted to take the bait to engage in small battles along the way that can waste valuable time, energy and money.
 
2. Understand Your Unique Divorce Challenges
In order to create productive solutions and a plan of action steps, it is necessary to know  all of the challenges you face during and after divorce in all areas of your life. This includes physical, financial, emotional and mindset issues that can hold you back from achieving your desired outcome.

This is where working with a coach can help because you not only have a partner to provide support as you address these challenges, but, someone who can be objective about how to enact solutions.

3. Affirm Your Commitment to Outcomes with Your Key Motivating Factor
It does not matter who you are - everyone, and I repeat, everyone, has difficult moments and days filled with doubt, feelings of defeat, and self questioning as to "what's the point?"

Knowing above all else, what your motivating factor is will ground you back to remembering your end goal - that vision you laid out for your future - in the midst of wanting to give up. For some it is their children, for others it is a secure future and for others still, it is the need to help others.

Motivational factors are as diverse as we are as people. The takeaway here is to know your key motivating factor so you can affirm your commitment to your goal(s) and bring yourself back to moving forward on your path when you have challenging days. 

4. Set Anchors to Keep you Focused When You Hit Road Bumps
In the world of personal growth, an anchor is having something tangible that can help you feel a certain way when you need to. Emotional anchors assist you to switch emotional states, overcome negative associations, and reduce reactive behaviors.

Setting an anchor to your motivating factor can literally be anything that will trigger you back to remembering your goals and the big life picture, such as photos, screensaver, a song, a piece of jewelry, or an object. `  

5. Create Easy to Implement Action Steps
Once you know your goals, understand your divorce challenges, affirm your commitment by knowing your key motivating factor and set anchors, you are now ready to create action steps!!

Action steps that have a specific time frame, are realistic and can be measurable enable movement in the right direction to achieving your goals.         

These steps can lead to a more manageable and timely divorce process with better long-term post divorce outcomes.  


Till next time,
- Elisa