 Divorce is never easy, nor is there a perfect methodology when you are going through the difficult process of initiating this life change.
However, in an effort to break things down as simply as possible, here is a short checklist of a few crucial steps you want to be clear about and have taken one you have decided you want to move forward with divorce. 1. Clarity About Your Decision You have thought long and hard about this big move and you are 100% sure divorce is the choice you want to make for your future wellness and happiness. This seems like a no-brainer, but, unfortunately because this is such a big step and life change, many people lead with their emotions rather than think through all the reason why you want to end the marriage, as well as going through the possible ramifications of staying and leaving. 2. Have Knowledge About Your Finances & Necessary Documents The truth is that aside from the emotional turmoil and processing all of the changes, divorce, is in fact mostly a financial transaction. Most people think the first meeting you should have when deciding to move forward with divorce is a lawyer, but I believe having a clear understanding of your current finances will not only empower you about the current state of your financial situation, but will be enormously helpful when meeting with an attorney. It may be helpful to meet with an accountant who understands divorce and is proficient and knowledgable about tax to help you organize your financial information. This includes your assets, debts, income, current monthly expenditures, anticipated expenses post divorce, and assisting with your net worth statement which can be quite daunting. A good accountant can also be worth his or her weight in gold when it comes to assisting your attorney determine any important tax implications seen and unforeseen to create the most robust stipulation of separation for your long-term protection. Lastly, 3. Consult a Divorce/Family Law Attorney Once you have your financial documents together, you can proceed to meet with an attorney who will explain the divorce law in your state, the next steps, overview of potential legal costs and some possible outcomes. You may have noticed that I suggest meeting with an accountant first and the reason is that aside from child custody issues, your finances will be the focus of these proceedings. Having a good handle on your financial situation will alleviate many questions from your attorney during your first meeting, as well as to arm him or her with the information required to determine possible anticipated outcomes. Depending on your specific circumstances, mediation may be a good option. This is also a good time to have all of your questions answered so you are as clear as possible about what to expect as you proceed. I provide my clients with a list of 24 questions to ask their attorney during their first meeting. (you can view this list by CLICKING HERE.) 4. Have a General Plan or Vision for Post-Separation Here is where a divorce coach can assist in giving you emotional and strategic support in defining your goals and the necessary steps to transition from being part of a married couple to a newly separated and divorced individual. This is one of the most difficult parts of the divorce process, but the more prepared you can be about what’s most important to you in the key areas of your life (financially, residentially, as a parent (if applicable), career/work-wise, and socially) as well as the necessary steps to enable personal empowerment, the easier it will be to manage stress through the emotional and physical upheaval of divorce. 5. Have a Plan for Emotional Support and Self-Care No one is ever prepared for divorce, even if it is what you want. It is vital to have an emotional support system that you can rely on such as friends, family, therapist, and/or coach to help shoulder the turmoil of this very challenging time. Being kind to yourself, getting extra rest, good nutrition, fresh air and relaxation/mindfulness techniques are all vital do the changes you will be experiencing and the stress this can and often does cause. Till next time, -Elisa
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 What many people do not realize is that figuring out your life purpose can have a tremendous impact on your overall happiness and fulfillment.
Why, you may ask? The answer is rooted in the fact that life purpose is closely aligned with life passions. When these are in sync, it can help us develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world, which allows for the achievement of overall holistic balance. Passion Versus Purpose Passion is something we look forward to doing. It is an intense emotional drive that comes from a particular activity, cause, or field which sparks excitement. It generally brings happiness and inner peace. Purpose is the driving force behind your actions and is often tied to making a meaningful contribution to the world. It is a broader concept that goes beyond personal enjoyment or fulfillment and it is your deeper reason for existence. These two elements are interrelated in that passion can fuel your purpose, and your purpose gives meaning to your passions. A purpose can give vision and direction to a passion, and keep it going during difficult times. The Value of Knowing Your Passions & Purpose Knowing your passions and purpose can really shift the trajectory of your life in the most positive of directions. Not only can it help you develop strengths, values and goals, but having this awareness can sustain your momentum to keep moving forward towards your goals in a way that aligns with who you are at the core. Knowing your passion and purpose can also ignite your inspiration toward creating meaningful changes to the various dimensions of your life. Gaining Self Awareness To Know Your Purpose It can be quite disheartening if there is a revelation later in life that your career or vocation or current situation does not align with your passions and your purpose. It usually feels very overwhelming and challenging and it is common for individuals to become aware of this disconnect with maturity. Sometimes reaching a certain age or a major life event can spark the need to become clear about one's life purpose. The key is that it is never too late to get in touch with what fulfills you and gives you a sense of peace about what will give meaning to your time here on earth. Ways To Figure Out Your Life Purpose Here are a few simple exercises intended to help you gain self-awareness, uncover hidden desires, and identify the values and passions that drive you. These action steps may also enable you to better understand these values on a deeper level, thereby fostering the discovery of your life purpose. Step 1: Life Value Assessment Values are the guiding principles that shape our behavior, decisions, and overall sense of fulfillment. Clarifying personal values is the foundation for aligning your actions and choices with what truly matters to you. Step 2: Identify Passions Since passion is a driving force that fuels motivation, enthusiasm and brings you a deep sense of joy and fulfillment, uncovering your true passions and interests allows you to become consciously aware of what truly motivates you in life. Step 3: Strengths Inventory Your unique strengths and talents are the qualities and abilities that come naturally to you and contribute to your success and well-being. By identifying, recognizing and acknowledging these, you can leverage them to pursue a purposeful life. Step 4: Set Personal Intention(s) Daily Setting daily intensions are about “who you want to be” and a way to stay in the mindset of your purpose and passions. Intensions are different than goals because intentions focus on the PRESENT. They are within your power - daily expressions of your personal values and how you want to live in the world regardless of external circumstances. Setting intentions daily is about defining the qualities you want to embody for the day. Intentions are meant to guide your actions and reactions minute by minute and they help you measure your success by how you live, act and respond in the world. Step 5: Vision Board A vision board taps into your creativity and "paints" a visual picture or representation of your life purpose. Creating a collage of pictures, words and phrases that resonate with your passions desires and experiences provides something tangible to look at. This helps to make it a reality in your mind and therefore, manifest it. Till next time, Elisa |
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Elisa Valentino
HOLISTIC BEHAVIORAL PRACTITIONER DIVORCE & LIFE TRANSITION COACH SPIRITUAL LIGHTWORKER PUBLIC SPEAKER PODCAST HOST |
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